I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
