so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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