TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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