3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
