one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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