she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
