"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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