I hate all girls vehemently.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
