my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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