The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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