Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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