Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
