I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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