My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
