i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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