I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
