5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
