I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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