some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
