I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
