fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
