his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
