I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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