she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
