It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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