Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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