grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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