she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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