somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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