Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
