I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
