so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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