we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
