nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That reminds me...we need to get swords
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
