I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
