i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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