remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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