it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
