I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
