She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
