I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
