i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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