My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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