anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
