The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
