i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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