I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you had me at cake vodka
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
