Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we have officially lost it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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