I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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