I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
