a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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