I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
