i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was like eating out sand paper
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
