I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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