Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
