Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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