So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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