Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you had me at cake vodka
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
