you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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