Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
