i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What a dumb baby whore.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
