the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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