Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
