; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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