i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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