rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
