drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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