My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
