Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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